MoonKit was still very tired.. She was 'supposed' to open her eyes now, but she didn't because she didn't want to yet.. not just yet. Though as soon as she heard the word mouse, she sat up slowly and blinked.. She'd opened her eyes!

MoonKit stared at her litter mates clearly now. "Do you think she'll be weak?-" their mother hissed at them and they ran off to get a mouse for MoonKit as she rested her head on her soft paws.

One day, MoonKit and her litter mates were exploring camp.. "W-that?" she said softly. They didn't know the danger to come~

CHAPTER TWO

Danger struck them when they went far out of camp not knowing. "w-here are we?" she said stuttering with her speech..
That day... dogs had come.. and they killed her family... though moon kit was saved.. She'd fainted so she didn't know they were killed.
{Later that day}
Moon-it found out what had happened.. From the word 'dead' she started sobbing. "n-no more..?" moonkit said as she went to sleep before dark.. She was exhausted.. But the next day she woke up early going out of the nursery and into the med cat den. She wasn't feeling too well. She stared at the poppyseeds and the herbs. A sparkle gleamed in her eyes. She was curious.. She had heard some cat say it and she said it.. "p-poppyseed?" moonkit mewed. Later that day moonkit yawned after she was sent back to the nursery.

{CHAPTER THREE}

This seems nice so far!

It’s nice, but I feel like the storyline is going by too quickly--the day passed in, what, two paragraphs?--, and the chapters are too short. Try lengthening them and telling us more about the characters

i would write a ton of criteque but i dont know if that’s what youre looking for o3o

Moon-Kit is supposed to be Moonkit

Why are you going ".." after almost every sentence?

When do the people come? This is quite a boring story.

Honestly, the storyline is going by too fast. In the Warriors series, Erin Hunter doesn't skip time at all. I can also point out a few grammar errors. I'll help by pointing them out.

*Everything in the spoilers is the errors and how to fix them, the errors that I've noticed anyway.


Also, what'd be good is if you gave the story more thought, time skipping isn't necessarily a good idea if you're doing a Warriors fanfic.

XD\

thanks for the notes!

I WILL BE CONTINUING THIS STORY NOW. I WILL TAKE YOUR SUGGESTIONS AND NOT SKIP AS MUCH AND USE UP WHOLE DAYS :)

I USE THE " " AFTER THE SENTENCES BECAUSE THEY REPRESENT THE CHARACTERS TALKING.