Charecters:
Angel (Girl) {Out-going, Sarcastic, bad at spelling}

Pal (Girl) {Responsible, sane, calm}
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Anvil God

Angel threw confetti on Pal, when Pal turned, angry, Angel burst out laughing. "NOT FUNNY...." Pal sighed. Angel rolled her eyes. "Come on, we promised mom we'd get her some cheese," She said, walking on the hard wood ground. Pal nodded and followed. "SHAMMMAANN" "SP" "HELP" The words came from all derections. Another very anoying mouse began to spam (a.k.a angel), Pal sighed. "Shaman, HELP," Pal cried, ingnoring any words that included "Angel",

Suddenly, the sham spawned a anvil. "Oh no," Pal mutterd, counting the seconds till the round was over, "Anvil god..." The shaman added more anvils and seemed to never stop, laggng the room, Every mouse died, being hurtled in every derection. "Shaman!!" Some cried, Others screaming "LAGGY!!!" Or " ./ban Laggyanvilydude, reason: Lagging the room."

An hour later Pal and Angel returned home, slumpping on the counch near the kicthen, preparing themself for thier mom to yell. "I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN MORE CHEESE >:( " Mom cried. "We tried," Muttered Angel, frowning at the floor, "Im sorry mom, We tried, but the anvil god came and hurt us....." Pat whimpered, "Okay okay," Mom said, rolling her eyes, "try to get more next time,"

THE END :3

BTW, The reason it was short before was because it was late and my mom was getting mad, so i hd to end it..... >.<

Very..... interesting?

i tried to read it, but that large wall of mice yelling "SPAM" epleatedly just blocked out everything.
maybe try to rephrase it?

Very.. Nice?

OK.

I'll just assume you're a 9 year old making his/her first story and simply for the 'lulz'. If you're older than that... let's just say that this statement above says how I feel about the story.

It doesn't really make sense. At all. What the heck is the relation of 'spamspam... and so on' to Anvil God? Also, your story is only 109 words. Even for a chapter, that is very short.

If I'm correct and you're only around 9 and just making it for fun, please keep in mind that the quality of fan-fics is already sorta low (no offense to others ._.) and that you're not really doing anything to help. If you're around my age or older however (12+)... what the heck. Random does not equal funny. It usually equals annoying and unnecessary.

By the way

Diamondwing a dit :

Very..... interesting?

Kayleekitti a dit :

Very.. Nice?

This is their more polite way of saying 'wth is this'.

To be honest, I don't know if this is even considered a 'story' with how much you said spam with over half the story/chapter.

Can you not just say "He/she spammed?" Instead of spamming?

confusing and short O.o
do you take critiques??

I think they've gotten enough critique. They don't need more.

sorry, It waz getting late and meh mom started getting mad at how late i stayed up, so i had to make the story short and confusing :(

And no, i dont even know what that means, and im older than 9.