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Atelier 801
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  • [Fan-Fiction]~The Magical Land~
[Fan-Fiction]~The Magical Land~
Messeessem
« Citoyen »
1387501020000
    • Messeessem#0000
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#1
  0
[url=]-Author's Note[/url]
Hello,you might had read my other one before.Well...it been locked due to some tired difficulties.Unfortunatly,I was tired that night and was determined to finish it so I worked all night to try to finish it.At midnight,when I was in bed,I remembered it has nothing TFM-related.Except for the picture which was a bunny.I hoped nobody locked it so I could change the words to make it more TFM-like,but then it did got locked.Oh well!Messeessem is gonna make another one.
[url=]
I accept character requests,but it's rare for me now.If you don't get accepted,I'm very sorry.
No critilizing,but I accept wonderful ideas![/url]
[url=]-Characters[/url]

http://i.imgur.com/LZi8UJ0.png
Meet Messeessem
Female:10
Likes:Cheez Chips(A Mousetal's Food) & Visiting Her Mousetals*
Dislikes:Spiders,Snakes,Bugs,and Noises
Hobbies:Visiting Mousetals,Drawing,and Writing
[url=]-Story
Chapter 1:A Little Goddess Is Born and Her Learnings[/url]
~On the night of Halloween,a little Goddess of Everything was born.
I cried for many nights and stayed awake all day.Unlike mousetals,she wasn't born from a hole.She was born from the Goddess Palace*.Some mousetals were nice,all day long,they gave us cheese from their cheese hunting in order to stop us from destoying them.We would never destroy them though,but one day when we told them,they said it was for our good because we didn't eat cheese before.In a way,they're trying to adapt us to eating cheese.Yes,I was a little borned goddess.I enjoyed becoming a mortal,just to find how it was to get cheese.Let me you,it hurted a lot because your mother(or mine),would be mad if you went to the Earth Hole* to become a mortal and act like one.I learned many things about it.I learned about stuff called bootcamps and survivors.Of course,I survived and succeeded alot.One day,I went to something called Church.I learned that they dedicated many things to us immortals.One day,a Shaman decided he was all this and all that.
"No immortal is more important to me!"said the Shaman.As you know,us immortals like to be all this and all that,so I sort of used my powers on him.I summonned a storm in order to get revenge.I thinked it worked out nicely.I went back to the Magical Land and continued to think about the mousetals and to avoid Mother from thinking I did went to the Earth Hole(I did).
[url=]-Dictionary[/url]
All the * means something,it means I'm going to identify it in the dictionary.
Mousetals=Mortals
Goddess Palace=A place where mice goddesses are born
Earth Hole=Where the mousetals and Shamans live
Jackywhacky
« Citoyen »
1387507320000
    • Jackywhacky#0000
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#2
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I think you did make one before.Nice nice.I know you don't want critics so ok.I was wondering what the * was for.I liked how you define the words.
I would rate it 9/10
Splashclaweh
« Citoyen »
1387507680000
    • Splashclaweh#0000
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#3
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I'd like to join as one of the awesome characters~
:3 P.S. The story sounds awesome!

v A new pargraph with an indent? O3O?
Haruhitastic
« Censeur »
1387510620000
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#4
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Haruhitastic a dit :
why do you keep hopping between present and past tense
and why dont you space between punctuation
im pretty sure these things were addressed before

im going to requote this because i dont think youre following people's help at all
Messeessem
« Citoyen »
1387586280000
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#5
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Haruhitastic a dit :
im going to requote this because i dont think youre following people's help at all

:P I'm working too fast I always forget to edit.
Just so you guys know,I won't be updating it for a couple of days due to some MISPLACING.
Kattiej
« Citoyen »
1387587420000
    • Kattiej#0000
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#6
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Messeessem a dit :
[#en]

:P I'm working too fast I always forget to edit.
Just so you guys know,I won't be updating it for a couple of days due to some MISPLACING.

you should work slower and revise before you post! It's better
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