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[Fanfic] The third shaman
Abdeltif
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#1
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I will skip to chapter one ok ?

Chapter 1 ; meet Sincer and Mardin


Under the moon's light, Sincer and Mardin were building the way up to the cheese so mice get it safely back to the hole. The leader of the tribe is so proud of them. That's why he only chose them as shamans. Each one is skilled in something.
Sincer was the fastest mouse in the tribe, he could build quickly while moving. He also have wings which let him guide from an area to another, and his favorite skill was one that no one had learned. It was the teleport skill, he can go from an area to another without the need to build or more ! But it harms sometimes harms his soul or teleport him to the rong way, so he always need the help of Mardin, Sincer can control wind too, he is called the "Wind Shaman" thought.
Mardin had a nice heart , that he sometimes pay from his soul to get mice back alive. He can't teleport him self, but he can teleport mice to his position if they was in danger, he can also summon a cloud ; He some times use his summon it and tell sincer to lock the mice inside a companion crate so sincer blew mice away with wind and get mice stuck , just to have fun of them . Mardin is called "Spiritual Shaman".


-- end of Chapter one ok good bye é_è , you can do the caracter thingie but I don't care much for it :p.
Abdeltif
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#2
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Reserved for news or others.
Kattiej
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Are you taking critiques?
Abdeltif
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Kattiej a dit :
Are you taking critiques?

critiques?
Kattiej
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Abdeltif a dit :
critiques?

yeah
critique-a detailed analysis and assessment of something, esp. a literary, philosophical, or political theory.

I'm basically asking if I can point out errors I see in the fanfic
Abdeltif
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Kattiej a dit :
yeah
critique-a detailed analysis and assessment of something, esp. a literary, philosophical, or political theory.

I'm basically asking if I can point out errors I see in the fanfic

ofc :p
E : there are a lot .
Kattiej
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#7
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Under the moon's light, Sincer and Mardin were building the way up to the cheese so mice get it safely back to the hole. The leader of the tribe is so proud of them. That's why he only chose them as shamans. Each one is skilled in something.
Sincer was the fastest mouse in the tribe, he could build quickly while moving. He also have wings which let him guide from an area to another, and his favorite skill was onethat no one had learned. It was the teleport skill, he can go from an area to another without the need to build or more !

Well that so far is a lot of edits and I think I should just let you figure out the rest.
-Nouns are capitalized.
-Try not to use too many commas. Those create run-on sentences.
-Also it would help if you type it on word(or any site like word) first because it fixes all the spelling errors.

e: sorry the color is a bit hard to see
Abdeltif
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Kattiej a dit :
Under the moon's light, Sincer and Mardin were building the way up to the cheese so mice get it safely back to the hole. The leader of the tribe is so proud of them. That's why he only chose them as shamans. Each one is skilled in something.
Sincer was the fastest mouse in the tribe, he could build quickly while moving. He also have wings which let him guide from an area to another, and his favorite skill was onethat no one had learned. It was the teleport skill, he can go from an area to another without the need to build or more !

Well that so far is a lot of edits and I think I should just let you figure out the rest.
-Nouns are capitalized.
-Try not to use too many commas. Those create run-on sentences.
-Also it would help if you type it on word(or any site like word) first because it fixes all the spelling errors.

e: sorry the color is a bit hard to see

wow thanks
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