to cut a long story short, this little fic of sorts is about a mouse named miela who transfers to a private school for the gifted
this will *not* be your average school fanfic. there will be no mean girls, no mean boys. no bullies. no end of the fanfic mary sue SHE PROVED HER WORTH thing. just a simple tale of a simple girl, who feels that she doesnt deserve the chance given.

character requests, eh maybe if i like your character
your mary sue mlp wearing mice can just hop on out of here

p.s. CRITIQUE WELCOME OK

but anyway without further ado, here is the first chapter

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Miela's eyes wandered up to the tall, dirty red building before her. With pointed roofs, tall trees, and a lush lawn, Miela almost felt like she was going to a castle rather than school.
Transferring to this private school was such a dreadful idea now that she thought about it. But dealing with bullies was even more dreadful in Miela's mind, and her parents had been pushing her to go for quite some time. Thus, in the end, she had decided that attending the Duvall School for the Gifted was rather a bright idea after all. But she certainly didn't *feel* gifted. How on earth did she end up here?
Sighing, she dropped her backpack into her locker. She didn't even know where to begin with this whole thing. Her school schedule was a convoluted mess, and the map on the back of the paper was even more so.
The bell shattered the silence that surrounded Miela, and quickly she found herself surrounded by the entire school body. She made soft whimpers and tried to excuse herself, but the mousy tone of her voice meant nobody would hear. Sighing, she opened the closest door to her and slipped inside, a faint smile drifting onto her lips as it dawned on her she made her escape from the somewhat controlled chaos.
"Hey, who are you and what are you doing here?"
And with those words, that solace Miela had found was gone once again.

finally a fanfic without character requests

ok so:

1. a bit of a personal thing but i don't see how miela is a mouse; she could just as easily be a human so maybe a bit of clarification somewhere would make miela's mouse-ness clearer

2. "...pointed roofs, tall[ ] trees[,] and..." pretty clear here; also maybe a bit more description would be nice

3. "Sighing, she dropped her backpack into her locker. ", "Sighing, she opened the closest door to her and slipped inside, breathing a sigh of relief..." she sighs a lot and i find it a bit repetitive also that last phrase seems a bit wrong because of all the sighing but i can't tell what's wrong about it (may be a personal thing)

4. this is a completely personal thing but i find walls of text very hard to read without indentions or spaces in between paragraphs/sentences

5. ..."she had decided that attending the Duvall School for the Gifted was a bright idea." i'm not sure about this but 'had' in "had decided" isnt necessary

5.1. also, the 'now' and 'in the end' deal with 'bright idea' and 'dreadful idea' is a bit confusing as they seem a bit conflicting; maybe a clearer separation of timeframes of thought would help a bit (jus sayin)

6. "And with those words, that solace Miela had found was gone[ ] once again."

This isn't the whole chapter. Considering that I always bitch about people with fanfics that are basically anthro mice I'm not going to write a fanfic the same way.
Thank you o/ I'll make the necessary adjustments when I finisht he chapter up.

e - holy crap some of the things you pointed out no more writing for me at 1:00 am lol

e2 - >"Sighing, she opened the closest door to her and slipped inside, breathing a sigh of relief..."
HOw The fuck did i do that
oh my god

.gif

oohh I likkee it

Good to see a new story from you!