Xariio a dit :

Sounds good.
Good luck! *-*

Haruhitastic a dit :

内気 is actually timid/reserved, not so much "shyness." Hazukashii (はずかしい.) is more proper.

Also it's really hard to read with all the dialogue jumbled up like that. All new characters that speak need to be on a new line.

Haruhitastic a dit :

Hazukashii is a weird name. Maybe Shizuka, which is a name which means quiet, will be best.

Haruhitastic a dit :

Yeah I figured out what you were doing. ^^ Sorry for the mess! Just wanted to clear up some misinformation.

a dit :

Uchiki had to find Transville quickly. She took a shortcut and scampered from room to room. Approximately 5 minutes later, she reached her village. Nice but poor Japanese mice padded from farm to farm, plucking cheese flavored fruits and vegetables from each field. Then, they helped the farmers replant more seeds. Some of the mice relaxed near a fireplace while their mouse children watched television. The most popular television show was Cheesebob Mousepants☻. Uchiki scampered to Ol' Ferel☻'s house. Ferel was the ancestor and elder of Transville and knew everything in her life.
"Ferel! Ferel!" Uchiki squeaked as she bursted the door open, "The mice have been mean again."
"Now, Uchiki, you know better than listening to the evil citizens." Ferel snapped calmly, "I've told you a million times not to listen to them."
"But Ferel-"
"No buts, Uchiki."
"Ferel, I'm not talking about that problem. I'm talking about this problem I saw." Uchiki then explained the problem about all of the mice being dead and the strange shaman with the anvil god. Ferel offered her to stay in her cottage for a little bit with some cheese tea.
"So this 'anvil god' escaped from it's dreadful map again, yes?" Ferel asked.
"Yes, Ol' Ferel." Uchiki whispered and bowed her head.
"Grandmother! Grandmother!" Ferel's granddaughters squeaked at the top of their lungs.
"Get back to bed, my lovely granddaughters, I am talking right now." Ferel firmly replied to them.
"But, grandmother, it's true! A strange black shaman has been reported in Transville, setting crops and cottages on fire, and killing tons of mice! There's a fire in our bedroom!" the oldest granddaughter, Alexia☻, reported.
"Uchiki, you must leave with my lovely granddaughters. There is a fire in my cottage." Ferel said.
"Ferel, I will do my duty." Uchiki replied and disappeared from the cottage with Ferel's granddaughters. Fires were seen, blood was everywhere, and anvils were thrown everywhere. She could hear the youngest granddaughter, Moistica☻, crying. She heard a black shaman behind them, waiting for it's rightful capture.
"Bring me the white mouse that is named Uchiki, or else you will die." it bellowed as it grabbed Uchiki and ran away.