[Fanfic] Alike |
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Yo! I've been meaning to write a fanfic here because I'm bursting with ideas so yeah here I am. I have written fanfiction before, and I am also in progress with a FNAF one as well, which you can find here. Please note that I am not accepting characters, so don't go wastin your time making a whole profile for one in the comments! Chapters will also be posted in spoilers in the comment section to avoid long message quotes. Ideas for the next chapters are always welcome, but I will not be posting NSFW/sexual themes, because of rules. Also, please don't nag me to make the next chapter. I'll tell you when it's out, so be patient! Chapter 1. You stare at the ceiling, bored out of your mind. It’s just another day in the tribe house, you think to yourself. Groaning loudly, you turn yourself onto your stomach and glance at an idle-sitting mouse that looks like they’re staring into space. Their eyes have an icy sheen to them, and it’s enough to send a tingly feeling up your spine. You find it slightly mortifying how any mouse could do that, but you shrug the feeling off and close your eyes. You wish you hadn’t left your old tribe. You had so many friends there, but you doubt they miss you. You only joined this tribe because there were several opportunities for you to make new friends and improve your depressive mood. You listen to yourself breathing quietly, until your alone-time is ruined by the quiet patter of footsteps. A white mouse walks into the room, slightly out of breath with a big grin plastered to their face. They have a black and yellow tie, with thick-framed glasses covering their face and a hat that looks like it’s out of the Navy. What an interesting look. The mouse’s smile fades when they notice you sitting on your own, and they walk up to you cautiously. You look away from them, to try and tell them to go away. The feeling of eyes staring right through your body dawns upon you, so you turn your back on them and curl up into the couch you’re laying on. The mouse clearly feels annoyed, and they let out a loud huff of disapproval and sit next to you. After a while, a few more mice walk into the tribe house. They’re giggling amongst themselves, chatting away about how hard it was to get cheese in really packed rooms. You decide to eavesdrop on their conversation, just so you can get a little bit of entertainment. “I can’t believe it took you nearly an hour to get that one first.” “Yeah, I know. It goes to show how damn hard it is to get around with all these mice distracting you. But I’ll admit it was also partially my fault for rushing.” The conversation is interrupted when a hefty and certainly hearty laugh echoes around the room. A proud skeleton-fur mouse with ram horns and weird shifty love-heart glasses towers above the rest of the mice. “Partially? You were jumping off of the ground before the planks even spawned!” they boom. You giggle at the sound of the mouse’s voice and try to hide your smile. The mouse sitting next to you – who you had completely forgotten about – nudges you gently, as if they were telling you to shut up. Your face turns bright red and you stop giggling instantly. The skeleton-fur mouse turns around to glare at you, and a cold sweat settles on your forehead. “What’re you laughin’ at?” they say. You gulp and bury your head between your paws. This is not going well for someone who’s just joined. “N-nothing..” you reply quietly. You could say you replied as quietly as a mouse. “That’s what I thought.” They reply much louder. You shudder and jump off of the couch to find a quieter place to rest. Once you find an empty spot, you cuddle into it and try to calm yourself down. How could someone have so much confidence like that? How are they so bold? Why did they feel the need to do that? Who are th— Your worries are cut short as you feel a warm paw pat you on the back. The white mouse from earlier gives you an apologetic smile as you turn around to see them, and they look around to make sure no one’s watching. “I’m really sorry about what just happened.” They say. They have a soft and calming voice, and it makes you feel a lot better about yourself. “She’s a bit loud sometimes. You’ll get used to it, though. Don’t worry.” You nod and take a better look at the mouse standing before you. Their fur has a soft-texture look to it, and you have the urge to touch it. But you stop yourself, because it’s rude, and you’ve not introduced yourself yet. “M-my name is Shade.” You say weakly. The mouse nods and smiles again. “I know. My name is Ryoa. I think you’re new to this tribe, right?” they reply. You blush and look away, and the mouse giggles at you quietly. “I thought so.” How did they know your name already? You haven’t mentioned it to anyone in the tribe because no one’s really talked to you until now. You guess word got out because you were new. You shrug and glance over Ryoa’s shoulder to take a look at the bigger group of mice. There is a small mouse with an identical looking face to Ryoa, so you assume they are related. That mouse has small goat horns and what looks to be a cow bell, and seriously poofy hair. They also have a small bell tied to their tail, which is kind of cute. Another mouse has lots of blue covering them, with eyeliner and a fluffy white coat of fur. They have blue hair, with white and blue headphones, and a little blue and white bowtie. You think it suits them well. The tall scary lookin’ skeleton-fur mouse has a sinister thing about them. You can’t tell what is so off-putting. Maybe it’s the lime-green hair? Or maybe it’s just the bad taste of clothing. You’ll go with both. And finally, there is a small brown-haired mouse. They’re slightly taller than you, it seems. But then again, you’re not that tall. The mouse looks awkward, shuffling about slightly on their toes. Maybe they’re new too? You doubt it, if they’re in that group. “Yo, um.. Ryoa?” you try to grab your new friend’s attention. “Yeah?” Ryoa replies.. “Who’s that other white mouse,” you say. “with the goat horns or something.” “Oh, she’s called Stubii. We’re sisters.” Ryoa says casually. You nod in understanding “Why’d you ask?” You smile awkwardly. “I dunno. You just look alike, that’s all.” Enjoy! |
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Hi, do you take any comments for your story? If not please don't open the spoiler. The second person use really threw me off as I was reading because I'm not used to reading stories like this. At first I thought it's because you're trying to set the theme of making readers feel like they're the character, but then you gave a name (yourself) to the mouse. In my opinion the only time I would ever consider using second person is if I was maker a reader story where it would make more sense. Is there a particular reason why it's second person? Or is it just your style? |
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Satash a dit : I use second person because it is an option which isn't used very much, and it's hard to master as well. I also feel a lot more comfortable using it, because it's fun to introduce many characters with, as well as portray. It's very difficult, as you might have guessed, to understand. But once you actually get into it, it's great fun. The reason why it was a little difficult to read was because I just made all of that off of the top of my head. If it was planned instead of me rushing into it, putting all my other ideas behind, I think it would be a lot easier to read! My apologies lmao |