[Fanfiction] The Hunters |
![]() ![]() « Citoyen » 1449940740000
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This idea just came into my mind, and I was looking for a place to post a story about it. I haven't used these forums much, so forgive me if there are any errors with the tabs and other stuff. From what I've seen of this forum, some authors let the readers create characters, but I don't think my fanfiction will work that way. Anyways, I hope you like it. Dorothy smiled as she reached the cheese, brushing her bright pink hair. Well, there was no need for that rush, she thought. The shaman still has to build a bridge for the others. There were only two other mice with her: That orange-haired, smug-looking boy she had instantly fallen in love with a couple maps before, and a weird guy with a top hat and a pipe. Dory only paid attention to the former: the way he looked at the shaman as if he were thinking about a way to get the first place. Very naughty, she thought, smirking. It's no good looking at him this way, though. Who knows, he probably has a soulmate. The mousegirl glanced at the shaman, who had just finished his building: another handsome mouse, this time with black hair. Finally, the crowd of less-skilled mice arrived, tearing the cheese to little pieces in a second. They looked to the mousehole, which was about 30 paws above them, and yelled their suggestions: "Another bridge!", said one with antlers. "No!", yelled another. "A spirit, just for the pro here!" Pro? He couldn't even get the cheese by himself, Dory thought. In the middle of the chaos, someone screamed: "SPRIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS!" However, everyone fell silence when they saw the balloon flying overhead. The shaman had given it to a friend... an orange-haired, smug-looking friend. All of a sudden, the mice erupted in anger: They insulted the wizard mouse and his poor mother, calling him names, but all he did was chew on his straw, looking lazily to the skies, waiting for his friend to get the first place. Only then did he put some springs to help the other mice. "SPRINGS RULE!" cried a mouse as he went up and got the second place, followed by the weirdo on the top hat, who looked like he'd just eaten an old cheese. "Son of a cannon", Dory muttered, although she had done the same thing once, with... Stop thinking about her, you idiot. Move on with your life already. She shaked the thought away as she got into the mousehole. Fourteenth place. The next map came. There were four dangling stone blocks between the mice and the cheese, and the mice went rushing through them. Only a few of them got there (after all the stone blocks were knocked down), Dory included. But there was no way back to the mousehole without the help of the shaman now, or without amazing skills (she didn't have neither). However, the black-haired mouse, chewing on his straw, apparently had the skills, and he immediately ran back after he got the cheese. By the time he reached the middle of the map, though, a cannon hit him. In the face. He almost fell to his death, but held tight to the rope that had once tied together the stone blocks. The orange-haired mouse, who had been cheering for his friend until then, went silent. And the crowd, who was silent, whistled and clapped to the shaman. He summoned his totem: a long bridge that managed to connect the mousehole to the cheese and passed above the black-haired mouse, who struggled to survive, although it was impossible for him to reach the first place now, or even the tenth. Dory immediately jumped on the bridge along with several other mice. Among them was the orange-haired one who had gotten the first place last map, and they both raced towards the mousehole. I can do it, she thought. Faster... However, when she looked back to see how far the boy was from her, he was nowhere to be seen. Among the racing mice, there was a companion cube that appeared out of nowhere. The last thing Dory saw before getting the first place were wisps of orange hair that sprouted from the box, and the shaman calmly looking at it and grinning.. He had a top hat and a pipe, and a strange tattoo on his body that she'd never seen on any other shaman: a black balance scale. Weird, she thought. Chapter I - Jacques Jacques was tired. He was returning home, and the bag of cheese he carried seemed heavier than usual. His top hat was almost falling from his head, exposing some of the jet black hair on his scalp. Black happened to be his favorite color. The day had been rough for him, and as he smoked his pipe he thought about that cute pink-haired girl he saw while he was hunting. I wonder if I'll see her again. However, the girl he worried about the most was another one, with short, brown hair. Em. As he strolled through the streets, he thought about how she had convinced them to become hunters. They were only a few mice at the time, Em and Jacques, Ryen, Luna, and Hallia. Hallia... Jack remembered their first meeting as if it had hapened yesterday, all of them reunited on the recently created tribehouse, under the light of the full moon and a bonfire. And he remembered Em's words. He repeated them to himself every day on his mind. "The world of Transformice is a lawless land", she had said with her powerful, alluring voice. "We must change this, even if by force! It is our duty, to work in silence but work effectively, and make anyone who wishes to get the first place by sinful means think of us... And fear us. Because if any of our brave and righteous agents is there, watching the wrongs being done, they will make sure that such evil mice never collect the cheese again that day, and instead go back home at night, starving, regretful, and thankful, too, for they will have learned the most precious lesson of all: the lesson of justice!" Brave... I'm brave and righteous too... and I have a duty. Jack got to his street. He thought he saw something moving near the door of his house, but he dismissed it as wind and fertile imagination. He got inside, throwing his bag of cheese somewhere in the room, and closed the door just before collapsing on the couch. He was hungry, but he slept anyway. Dernière modification le 1451439120000 |
![]() ![]() « Citoyen » 1449948420000
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Well,not trying to seem rude,but if you don't want us,readers,to post characters,then this is a STORY |
![]() ![]() « Consul » 1449950160000
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bublamorce a dit : i think you misunderstood the meaning of fanfiction. its literally what it is. fan fiction. entering characters is not required for it to be a fanfiction |
![]() ![]() « Censeur » 1449954300000
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bublamorce a dit : "Fanfiction" is a term for any piece of fiction that is a fanwork, in this case, it is a Transformice fanfiction. Just because that posting characters is the norm around here, doesn't mean it's required. You posted no such thing on my story, which I very plainly stated that I would not be permitting other characters in my story, so why post it here? It's very stifling to work with characters from others for some (including myself). Vague ideas are fine, but fully fleshed out characters not so much. Some people work fine like that, other's don't. Tl;dr, yes, it's rude. Have some respect for the author. They're not required to even let you read this, but they are because they want you to enjoy it. The least you could do is not bitch about their wording because you don't think it's right. NOW that I'm off my little soap box, this looks super interesting and I'm curious to see more. :) |
![]() ![]() « Citoyen » 1450790280000
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Is there gonna be more |
![]() ![]() « Citoyen » 1451439120000
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Sorry for the wait. I'll try to write chapters more often. The first one his here! Chapter I - Jacques Jacques was tired. He was returning home, and the bag of cheese he carried seemed heavier than usual. His top hat was almost falling from his head, exposing some of the jet black hair on his scalp. Black happened to be his favorite color. The day had been rough for him, and as he smoked his pipe he thought about that cute pink-haired girl he saw while he was hunting. I wonder if I'll see her again. However, the girl he worried about the most was another one, with short, brown hair. Em. As he strolled through the streets, he thought about how she had convinced them to become hunters. They were only a few mice at the time, Em and Jacques, Ryen, Luna, and Hallia. Hallia... Jack remembered their first meeting as if it had hapened yesterday, all of them reunited on the recently created tribehouse, under the light of the full moon and a bonfire. And he remembered Em's words. He repeated them to himself every day on his mind. "The world of Transformice is a lawless land", she had said with her powerful, alluring voice. "We must change this, even if by force! It is our duty, to work in silence but work effectively, and make anyone who wishes to get the first place by sinful means think of us... And fear us. Because if any of our brave and righteous agents is there, watching the wrongs being done, they will make sure that such evil mice never collect the cheese again that day, and instead go back home at night, starving, regretful, and thankful, too, for they will have learned the most precious lesson of all: the lesson of justice!" Brave... I'm brave and righteous too... and I have a duty. Jack got to his street. He thought he saw something moving near the door of his house, but he dismissed it as wind and fertile imagination. He got inside, throwing his bag of cheese somewhere in the room, and closed the door just before collapsing on the couch. He was hungry, but he slept anyway. Dernière modification le 1451439180000 |