a dumb loser with not enough creativity to come up with a good profile.

"Apparently my girlfriend has taken up with a colony of Amazonian lizard women. I have decided that enough is enough.
Unfortunately, it didn't go over so well when I tried to break it off, so I was forced to hit her in the face with a bag of sand.
Call me callous, but I just can't envision spending the rest of my life with a woman who eats bugs for lunch."