[EN] The Comfort Corner!

#2061

i cant seem to connect with anybody anymore. every interaction i make feels so forced
i miss my old friends. i wonder what theyre up to right now

#2062

Jedey a dit :
i cant seem to connect with anybody anymore. every interaction i make feels so forced
i miss my old friends. i wonder what theyre up to right now

Take some time for yourself. Everyone needs some time on their own to recharge their batteries. Try to find a hobby you can do on your own or something that you share interest in with your friends to reconnect. They're your friends for a reason, if you openly tell them what you feel, they might be able to help you more than here.

#2063

A month ago, my best friend and I have been planning a Halloween sleepover since we both get Fridays off
The past few days we've been planning like where I should meet them and stuff and I just got had anxiety because each time we try to plan something, they always say they can't do it either at the beginning of planning or either last minute. I was finally getting a sleepover and I was afraid I was getting my hopes up so I fucking cried about it and it felt like I was having a panic attack because I had trouble breathing.
Me and my best friend were texting in the middle of my breakdown, except they don't know that, and I asked an important question if I were sleeping over. We planned this part since the beginning and they said that their mom said no and I don't know, it just seems not worth all this effort just so I can spend just a few hours with them, especially because I don't want to have my mom pick me up late when she wouldn't want to and I told my friend that and she said she would ask her mom again. She said no again.
Now I feel like theres no absolute win to this situation
It can go

we hang out for a few hours; which is the most likely scenario but the entire time I feel like shit
I go and I sleepover; a slim probability and the one I'm hopeful for but the entire time I'll feel shittier and also very guilty
I just don't go at all. At least that way it's how I expected this to go down and I don't have to worry about being a bother but I'd still feel like shit

-
Update!!! They said I can't come because their car is full!! Fuck my life then!!

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#2064

I have another issue and I don't know if I can double commented in a row but

#2065

Looking for some advice regarding therapy, you can quote

tldr: I don't want to go to my forced therapy sessions anymore because I feel unsatisfied with all of my sessions but I don't know how to explain to my parents that it's not just social anxiety that makes me dread going to these sessions

I've been to therapy sessions in the past for many months at a time, but even then and now, I still feel like therapy is backfiring for me in terms of my mental progress (being depressed and having mood swings all the time -> learning coping strategies and being a much more healthier person in general) because those sessions usually don't help me progress on the goals I mention there. Thankfully, I'm a much more mentally healthier person now but now I'm at the point where I need to put my goals in motion instead of just hearing advice I've already heard plenty of times before about it. Granted, advice is good if it's needed but it's not at the center of my focus right now.

I'm usually exhausted by the end of my sessions because they weren't as useful as they could've been but my parents think the opposite way. Whenever therapy is brought up, they tell me that I NEED it (especially since I'm still technically recovering from a suicide attempt, I've 100% moved on past it but they don't really believe me thanks to my lying habits in the past) and whenever I express how much I dislike the sessions and how tired I feel at the end of them, they just dismiss it as my social anxiety acting up. They could be right for all I know, but it doesn't feel like the case.

So yeah, should I keep going to these therapy sessions even though I hate going to them or are my parents in the right in saying that I still need them?
I just want advice for this whole thing in general.

e: I forgot to mention that both of my therapists were good so it's not an issue of the therapist being right for me... or at least I think so?

edit2: Yes, I know the effects of therapy take time but the therapy sessions I took before (2 years ago) still haven't had any effect on me to this day

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#2066

@Ayumiouo

you're not wrong to feel like therapy isn't working for you. even if you feel uncomfortable with it early on (when it "takes a while to work") that's a sign that therapy might not be good for you at all in the first place. you are meant to feel comfortable with therapy, it's supposed to help you and not feel like a drag. i think there's not much you can do here asides from trying to explain this to your parents, maybe setting some rules to make sure they know you're safe and to prove you're mentally stable.

the problem is either that or the therapist themselves. last i heard was that therapists are not supposed to force advice or opinions upon you- they are typically supposed to help you come to your own conclusions. if you feel your therapist is this way i recommend that you look up the red flags of a bad therapist and consider whether they show any of those signs.

either way, therapy needs to be voluntary. it's much like how a psychiatrist that makes you uncomfortable isn't at all likely to help you out.

i don't know whether this is an actual significant part of your problem, but when you've had a history of being suicidal, the fear of being hospitalized also tends to loom over you. you cannot be involuntarily hospitalized, however, unless you're actually at high risk of hurting someone or yourself, or you are underage. parents who know what mental hospitals are like also should, within reason, not want to hospitalize their own child.

-----

@Sweetporcelain

personally i have had a bad experience with people who dismiss my feelings and turn it around, but that might be because it's straight up abusive behavior. if they cannot understand your feelings and/or sympathize with you i'd consider that a warning sign. i don't think you should blame yourself for their reaction. do you not think it's unreasonable to claim someone is blaming you for upsetting them when they explicitly stated that it wasn't your fault?

i believe this might be a communication problem and i recommend that you have a honest, open conversation about it. relationships where you can't communicate or trust each other to be honest tend to be unhealthy and end in either or both parties getting hurt. i would recommend searching for resources as i'm sure there are many out there, but if someone gets mad at you when you very clearly meant well, i personally think that's a huge red flag.

i don't think you should feel bad about your friend's reaction. i also think it's suspicious that your plans seem to never work out, because that's also a red flag when it comes to relationships. this opinion is based off of both experience and content i've read online. a reliable relationship should be just that -- reliable. i think it's also worrying that your friend causes you anxiety. that's not healthy at all and not how friendships are meant to work. i would recommend stepping back and taking a moment to analyze your relationship, and please remember that it's really not your fault that things aren't working out very well. it happens to everyone.

#2067

Futile Performance (vent)

The amount of pressure I have to endure every second of my life is overwhelming, both for what others expect of me and for what I expect of myself.

The truth is I've been a "stress ball" to most since I can remember.
It's not since yesterday I've had to carry people on my shoulders, even less having to motivate those around me to do their job properly. If it weren't for me, none of the group projects I had the misfortune to take part in would have been half as good as they came out to be.

There's more than just a reason for me to prefer working by my own means and account. As a matter of fact, I never liked to depend on someone else, not one bit.
I can't take responsibility for others' lack of will to complete their given tasks, and I thank God at least my work isn't tainted in the end because of it.

For how long will it be that way, I wonder. I always feel like I press myself too hard, at times, though I can never ease any of the tension.
Where would I be hadn't I pushed my boundaries farther than I did? I'm not where I am today because they helped me, I'm here because I made myself reach this level, I worked for it, I earned my place.

In reality, others constantly tried to pull me down, as they could have never been where I was through their own effort.
What did I do about that, you ask. I went back and offered them my hand to help. At what cost? Part of my personal progress and sanity.

I was taken for granted. Standing up for myself wasn't an easy deal back then, but I've turned my back on that now, it belongs in the past.
I'm not that pet you put a leash on and take wherever and whenever you want anymore. I have standards and will fight if I see something is not working in my favor, still being so kind not to prejudice other parties in doing so.

People like the ones that surround me don't deserve that kind of sympathy, nonetheless, yet I am still human enough not to completely ruin their path.
Whatever happens to or with them is none of my business, neither what happens to me should be theirs.

Sad to say there's nothing much more I can do.
It's a shame the world is how it is, and the best I can do is pass by, improving myself in any way possible while letting this decayed environment continue to rot away on its own.

#2068

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#2069

My week has been very stressful

#2070

vent. looking for some friend advice. feel free to quote.

awhile ago i went on a trip with my friend and her family to the snow because it doesn’t snow here. i had one of the worst times ever.

her grandparents, sister, and mother i knew before (and they were very kind towards me) but i didn’t know the mother’s boyfriend and his three sons. they also had a dog. and i had a bit of a problem with how everyone was treating others.

i noticed that the three stepbrothers of my friend were quiet and didn’t talk to anyone. they didn’t make any conversation with me. but i expected that, so whatever. however, what i hated was how people treated the three. they called them “lazy” and when giving demands/suggestions never said “please” and when it was fulfilled NEVER a “thank you.” it was INCREDIBLY weird to watch as i grew up with that.

but that’s not the problem really. the problem is my friend. i knew getting into this id be annoyed with her by the end, HOWEVER, i didn’t expect her to be so annoying! we were given this room and one bed, which is fine whatever just half and half, BUT SHE NEVER DID THIS. she always went onto my side of the bed so i was sleep deprived half the trip and incredibly irritable. not only, but she constantly fought with her sister. in front of me. and you could tell the adults were irritated by this but she NEVER picked up on it. she also was very picky herself, whining about food in front of her grandmother who was a wonderful cook and cooked us enchiladas and tamales that were super good. on top of that, we did almost nothing all day and most people went skiing. we did not because her broken leg was still healing. i had to stay with this kid for the entire 7 days and try not to scream at her. to top it all off, she tried to copy a lot of things i did. we were friendly in middle school and i heard people tell me this but holy shit did she do it on this trip. i ordered a quesadilla on the trip once at a restaurant (she was gonna order something else) and she got the same thing. then she interrupted the waiter to just ask her mother for a bite of her sandwich later! like yeah ok but u can wait buddy! the poor waiter just dealt with it all like a champ.

i had one day of our winter break before we started school again and, since she’s in 3 out of 7 of my classes, i was incredibly annoyed and i still am. i think she can sense it because i’ve been very quiet and careful not to make much conversation. however, when it does start i feel the urge to yell and be alone. i feel kinda bad but it’s just hard being around her. she is super extroverted while i’m introverted and she’s kiiinda basic compared to my other friends and i can tell she’s obsessed with social hierarchies at school and such when, to me, it doesn’t matter at all. you can tell she’s very anxious and doesn’t pick up on social cues as well. which, to me, is the opposite of who i am. it’s hard getting along with her and i’m not sure what to do because i would like to remain friends with her.

#2071

Chlobro a dit :
vent. looking for some friend advice. feel free to quote.

awhile ago i went on a trip with my friend and her family to the snow because it doesn’t snow here. i had one of the worst times ever.

her grandparents, sister, and mother i knew before (and they were very kind towards me) but i didn’t know the mother’s boyfriend and his three sons. they also had a dog. and i had a bit of a problem with how everyone was treating others.

i noticed that the three stepbrothers of my friend were quiet and didn’t talk to anyone. they didn’t make any conversation with me. but i expected that, so whatever. however, what i hated was how people treated the three. they called them “lazy” and when giving demands/suggestions never said “please” and when it was fulfilled NEVER a “thank you.” it was INCREDIBLY weird to watch as i grew up with that.

but that’s not the problem really. the problem is my friend. i knew getting into this id be annoyed with her by the end, HOWEVER, i didn’t expect her to be so annoying! we were given this room and one bed, which is fine whatever just half and half, BUT SHE NEVER DID THIS. she always went onto my side of the bed so i was sleep deprived half the trip and incredibly irritable. not only, but she constantly fought with her sister. in front of me. and you could tell the adults were irritated by this but she NEVER picked up on it. she also was very picky herself, whining about food in front of her grandmother who was a wonderful cook and cooked us enchiladas and tamales that were super good. on top of that, we did almost nothing all day and most people went skiing. we did not because her broken leg was still healing. i had to stay with this kid for the entire 7 days and try not to scream at her. to top it all off, she tried to copy a lot of things i did. we were friendly in middle school and i heard people tell me this but holy shit did she do it on this trip. i ordered a quesadilla on the trip once at a restaurant (she was gonna order something else) and she got the same thing. then she interrupted the waiter to just ask her mother for a bite of her sandwich later! like yeah ok but u can wait buddy! the poor waiter just dealt with it all like a champ.

i had one day of our winter break before we started school again and, since she’s in 3 out of 7 of my classes, i was incredibly annoyed and i still am. i think she can sense it because i’ve been very quiet and careful not to make much conversation. however, when it does start i feel the urge to yell and be alone. i feel kinda bad but it’s just hard being around her. she is super extroverted while i’m introverted and she’s kiiinda basic compared to my other friends and i can tell she’s obsessed with social hierarchies at school and such when, to me, it doesn’t matter at all. you can tell she’s very anxious and doesn’t pick up on social cues as well. which, to me, is the opposite of who i am. it’s hard getting along with her and i’m not sure what to do because i would like to remain friends with her.

Sounds like your friend is pretty self-centered. Maybe it's her upbringing, maybe she likes attention, but whatever it is, you're right to be annoyed. Don't feel bad about being mad, because I'm sure she would just make up an excuse for herself if she were in your shoes and still end up thinking she's better than others.

Sorry for not giving any positive feedback, other than saying you're right.

#2072

Rottenappel a dit :
Chlobro a dit :
vent. looking for some friend advice. feel free to quote.

awhile ago i went on a trip with my friend and her family to the snow because it doesn’t snow here. i had one of the worst times ever.

her grandparents, sister, and mother i knew before (and they were very kind towards me) but i didn’t know the mother’s boyfriend and his three sons. they also had a dog. and i had a bit of a problem with how everyone was treating others.

i noticed that the three stepbrothers of my friend were quiet and didn’t talk to anyone. they didn’t make any conversation with me. but i expected that, so whatever. however, what i hated was how people treated the three. they called them “lazy” and when giving demands/suggestions never said “please” and when it was fulfilled NEVER a “thank you.” it was INCREDIBLY weird to watch as i grew up with that.

but that’s not the problem really. the problem is my friend. i knew getting into this id be annoyed with her by the end, HOWEVER, i didn’t expect her to be so annoying! we were given this room and one bed, which is fine whatever just half and half, BUT SHE NEVER DID THIS. she always went onto my side of the bed so i was sleep deprived half the trip and incredibly irritable. not only, but she constantly fought with her sister. in front of me. and you could tell the adults were irritated by this but she NEVER picked up on it. she also was very picky herself, whining about food in front of her grandmother who was a wonderful cook and cooked us enchiladas and tamales that were super good. on top of that, we did almost nothing all day and most people went skiing. we did not because her broken leg was still healing. i had to stay with this kid for the entire 7 days and try not to scream at her. to top it all off, she tried to copy a lot of things i did. we were friendly in middle school and i heard people tell me this but holy shit did she do it on this trip. i ordered a quesadilla on the trip once at a restaurant (she was gonna order something else) and she got the same thing. then she interrupted the waiter to just ask her mother for a bite of her sandwich later! like yeah ok but u can wait buddy! the poor waiter just dealt with it all like a champ.

i had one day of our winter break before we started school again and, since she’s in 3 out of 7 of my classes, i was incredibly annoyed and i still am. i think she can sense it because i’ve been very quiet and careful not to make much conversation. however, when it does start i feel the urge to yell and be alone. i feel kinda bad but it’s just hard being around her. she is super extroverted while i’m introverted and she’s kiiinda basic compared to my other friends and i can tell she’s obsessed with social hierarchies at school and such when, to me, it doesn’t matter at all. you can tell she’s very anxious and doesn’t pick up on social cues as well. which, to me, is the opposite of who i am. it’s hard getting along with her and i’m not sure what to do because i would like to remain friends with her.

Sounds like your friend is pretty self-centered. Maybe it's her upbringing, maybe she likes attention, but whatever it is, you're right to be annoyed. Don't feel bad about being mad, because I'm sure she would just make up an excuse for herself if she were in your shoes and still end up thinking she's better than others.

Sorry for not giving any positive feedback, other than saying you're right.

i appreciate the feedback regardless!! thank u :)

#2073

A little bit of rambling, kind of miscellaneous. You can quote, I don't mind.

I've been a little bit stressed lately. "A little bit" being an understatement. Between my family as well as my school life, I just can't seem to find peace within myself.

My sister especially has been causing me issues. She is 14 years old, in 8th Grade, and is currently taking excel classes and has been since 7th Grade. She seems to act like she knows literally everything, and when someone doesn't agree with her and/or proves her wrong, she gets all upset and either doesn't listen, or storms out of the room. She does the same thing when you don't want to listen to what she's saying. It's kind of funny, though, because when I try to talk to her, she walks away before I'm even done speaking a sentence. It's... frustrating. Not only that, when I first began playing Persona 5, she would look up literally everything and try to tell me how to play my own game. Keep in mind she's never heard of it, seen gameplay, nor even knew it existed until I started playing it. Unless she watched all of the gameplay overnight, I highly doubt she knows how to play the game through. We even got into a petty fight over that, and she told me to never talk to her again, and she cursed me out as well. I blocked her as I didn't want to hear it. She also makes fun of my intelligence a lot, saying I'm dumb and she also mocks me when she mentions she got into excel classes (teachers basically teach the material faster and give more work) before I did. I tried to tell her that the different ways to get in have changed since then, but she never listens and it only continues to boost her already large ego. My parents also appear to take her side. I don't know if it's because she's the youngest and I'm the adult or what, but it gets really upsetting when they find every loophole in what I'm saying and ultimately take her side no matter what I try to say. I'd even try to show them evidence, and they wouldn't want to hear it or see it. They may think I'm complaining or we're bickering, but I feel as if my opinions are valid too, and should not be brushed off.

Not only that, my father is very... transphobic and homophobic. Now, I'm not transgender in any way, but I am bisexual. I cannot seem to come out of the closet with the fact he's homophobic. If he finds out I like those that are the same sex as me, he will kick me out and disown me for sure. He also tends to make fun of those and their weak points, which is something I think is very petty, but I can't say anything about it, or he will degrade me, calling me a "special snowflake" and all that. He also threatens to throw trash in my bed and make me sleep with it at night if I forget to clean up at night, no matter how tired I am. I know he wants me to help my mother (she has horrible knees, an aching back, arthritis in her fingers, and a constantly upset stomach), but it's kind of hard to do it out of will, want, and kindness when your own father is threatening you and on top of that, your mother has her own rhythm with things which would be thrown off if you tried to help. I just don't know what to do at this point.

On top of all this, I just can't seem to focus during school. In fact, I'm currently typing this while sitting in a classroom. I do not have any sort of motivation like I did as an 11th grader. I'm constantly tired and fatigued. At this point I don't know if I want to continue on, but I know I have to as my lifetime of work will go to waste if I don't. I got all A's easily as an 11th grader, but now I'm scraping by with A's, B's, and C's. I just can't seem to focus nor find my motivation, and it's hurting me. In fact, I feel like it's slowly killing me inside.

The one thing keeping me from collapsing is my boyfriend, he's always there to cheer me up, and I do the same with him. I really don't know what I would do without him. I mind as well be a lost cause if he were to ever leave me, or if I were to leave him due to reasons against my will and control.

#2074

You can quote this. General stuff.

I really like this person that I've known since mid 2017 but she has a girlfriend of 2-3 years and I asked her yesterday morning if they were still together (just to make sure) and she said yes then added that she'd be more dead inside without her then she asked why I asked and I lied right through my teeth and I just... I don't want to ruin their relationship because she's so happy and I love it when she's happy but also her gf did cheat on her once and she lost trust and I feel like their girlfriend doesn't deserve her for hurting her like that despite how long it's been and that she did forgive her. Regardless, if I broke them up then I'd feel guilty and disgusted with myself because I'm so against that shit.... All this feels like nothing but a bullet right through the head. And it's eating me upside!
I keep calling her "baby" and lied saying I said it to all my female friends but I really just wanna be able to call her baby, I send memes about having crushes (in general) and getting fucked (which she usually replies "mood" or "ME" to), one time she sent me 2 memes she clearly made and they even had my name in them. Both were like "This could be us but u playing" and I said "bro are u trying to tell me something?" and she got confused and wanted me they to explain and I completely ignored it, feeling so stupid and humiliated, and changed the subject.
I've shared everything with her, even things I haven't said to close irl friends. There's friends, good friends, best friends, and then.. us.
And all my friends say "If they're that good of a friend, they'll be mature about it, just talk to them!" and I know that, I fucking know that but god damn that doesn't stop me from being afraid.
It's not rejection I fear, I fear ruining this friendship that I never want to end if I say how I feel.

God I hate relationship shit and I wish God wasn't against me like this, I just want 1 good thing to happen to me and I want it to last forever
I had to get this out in the air somewhere, I was going insane. I can't sleep over this and it's been 4 god damn days.
If you have advice, I'm all ears. I need it.

You can quote this, too. Happened today.

#2075

last night i attempted to overdose because i feel worthless, i tried therapy, i tried the suicide hotline, and i tried antidepressants, NOTHING helps, idk what to do, but i get closer to killing myself every day

#2076

@purple_days

please tell an adult or someone you trust about this. there’s not much i can say as a minor and someone who doesn’t know you personally, but i do know that suicide should not be something that is on your mind every day.

rationally, i think i’d tell an adult or doctor first. talk to your therapist about this for sure— even if therapy doesn’t work for you. just please do not give up hope yet— there’s a light at the other side of the tunnel waiting for you. remember that the resources on the first post are still available if you feel like this again. talk to people you trust irl, engage in your hobbies, do things you love. just please do not give up hope.

if you need anyone, my dms are always open. you also can friend me on discord if i’m not responding, i’m chlobro#3953 on discord. this goes not only to you, but to anyone having a hard time in real life.

#2077

@Chlobro, i get what you mean, im 12, so im actually scared of all this shit in my head

#2078

I have no choice but to repeat 6th grade ELA
but im moving on to 7th grade work for every other class so im happy that i failed only one, failing one is better than failing 2 lol, *casually trying not to cry* i never wanted to fail but fuck it! XD lmao...
*casually crying hard*

#2079

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#2080

Argilita a dit :
My sleep paralysis came back due to the major stress I'm under on a daily basis, harder and more frequently than ever before.

It genuinely feels like you're dying, like you're losing your grip on your very existence. Not only that, you can't move whatsoever and any attempt to snap out of it will result in agonizing shocks throughout your whole nervous system, which can ultimately kill you if you push your luck too far.

You feel your heart rate both increase and decrease dramatically while you helplessly try not to lose it. It's as if your heart'll either explode or stop beating at all, your lungs feel heavy and it's incredibly difficult to breathe as well.
When you're finally set free of that state, torturously gasping for air as if you just came back from the brink of death, you soon fall back to it once more in a matter of seconds.

It came to a point where the only thing I felt were my tears running down my cheeks and soaking my pillow, paralyzed, my heartbeat echoing in my head. I wanted to scream, cry for help, anything, yet the sole way to break out of it was to wait it out while I suffered and dreaded succumbing to it the entire time.

I was already twisting and twirling as soon as the fourth was over, I couldn't bear have it happen anymore, but what could I even do?
As if a miracle had happened, I somehow managed to sleep eventually, though the fear never went away.

Still to this moment, I'm frightened of going back to bed.

im sorry about this, have you told anyone? you're not alone, my aunt has this issue, f you ever need someone, DM me and ill give you my aunts discord, My discord is Sam17#1792 if you need me, no im not fucking Acer tho, ppl accuse me of impersonating him when im not, im a Lord Of The Rings and Hobbit fan, and Sam is my favorite character

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