On July 24th, 2020, I lost my 10 year old baby boy, Spaz, and I've never felt more torn.
Before I went downstairs, I held Spaz for a little while then went downstairs to see my dog, Dakota. Spaz was completely fine before and after that.
Not long later, I went back upstairs and found Spaz laying on the ground, panting heavily and it seemed like he was choking despite that he wasn't. I tried gently patting his back to see if I can get him to cough anything up but he didn't so I ran back downstairs in a panic yelling that something was wrong with Spaz and my older brother came up. He tried to gently lift Spaz by the hindlegs to get Spaz to cough anything up but Spaz meowed and my brother put him back down, now knowing that meant nothing was in his throat. My grandmother was at the bottom of the steps and called for my grandfather and they both started up the stairs. My brother looked in his room and found that Spaz had peed and pooped in the same spot, most likely at the same time. Spaz meowed a few times, clearly in pain and scared. We figured we needed to get him to an emergency vet ASAP so we got him in his carrier with some struggle because he did move from the hallway into my room. I tried to fight my family tooth and nail to go with them because I wasn't leaving Spaz, but eventually they won and I had to stay home because not only am I high risk, but I have Cystic Fibroses Related Diabetes and they were worried how they'd deal with me crashing if I did.
My brother texted me when he and my grandfather got there, saying that they can't enter the building but there was a "curbside hospital" for the pets. Spaz got put on an oxygen mask, then they later did x-rays and bloodwork. They found that he had heart failure, was in extreme pain, and had to be put down. I texted my brother begging them to stay in the room when he got put down because I know that even though it's hard to watch your pet go, it'll be even scarier of an experience for them when their owners aren't there. I really wish I was there with Spaz and got to say a proper goodbye. My grandma keeps telling me that I did enough for Spaz though because I was the one who found him and called everyone.
I chose to get him cremated so that I can keep his ashes in my room with me.

I want to give the biggest thank you ever to Spaz for being with me for a whole 10-11 years. You've seen my ups and you've seen my downs. We were there for each there whenever we needed it, like when I lost my mom January 2019 and I was able to cry into your fur without you getting bothered or when I cried while you were in the room all those times and you didn't judge me. I can't thank you enough for keeping me sane and grounded for all those 10 years and for being the best thing that ever happened to me.
I still remember when you were tiny and didn't really know us that well and my grandparents kept you in the garage but brought you into the house, worried you'd get cold out there in the winter. Ever since then, you stayed inside the house and you grew on my grandparents. Literally the best decision they've ever made to bring you inside. You were taken away at some point and I was the one who made the entire family go find you, bringing you out of your carrier from that tiny, dark room with a bunch of cats that were about to get put down. You were so terrified and there was a light in your eyes when you saw me again.
My family is already asking me about when I want to get another cat and I know the process will be long when I do, but I just can't right now because I don't want to feel like I'm replacing you. You're literally irreplaceable and had your own unique personality. But there was a few things you shared in common with other cats: Begging for food even after you were already fed, sleeping on the bare floor even though we bought you beds and towers, and sitting at our feet meowing for attention.

Rest In Peace Spaz.
You were the cutest, craziest, fattest cat ever and I loved you so, so much. I know you're keeping my mom company in Heaven now. Take care of each other for me.
I'll miss you forever and always, buddy.