The one my sister and I use all of the time;
Knock knock
Who's there?
Daisy
Daisy who?
DAISY ME ROLLIN', DEY HATIN'

-hey
-hi
-hey
-hi
-hey
-WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT
-i want your brains

Why did the Monkey play catch?

BECAUSE HE WAS BORED! AHAHA


What did the Human eat?

A Tomato! Get it? BWAAHAHA

Best jokes 2010 I tell you

whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

a CARROT!!!!

that joke cracks me up

What's blue paint, but smells like red paint?

why did the chiken cross the road?

to get to a strangers house.

knock! knock!

who's there?

the Chicken.

the chicken who?

the chicken who just crossed the road.

Why did the whale cross the shores? To get to the other tide!! I know, I know, dumb joke. Apologies.

why does sonice run alot? to get away from u

Jeff-The-Killer: *Sits at table*
Slenderman: Jeff, Why are you home early?
Jeff-The-Killer: The man said he had important things to do than he put to down by a barney the dino person in a joker costume! ^-^
Slenderman: *Thinks: BARNEY+JOKER=JEFF THE KILLER* I don't look like barney do I?
Slenderman: Pfft. *Walks off laughing*
Jeff The Killer: *Realizes the guy was talking about me then facedesks* THUNK.
-----
xD
Don't worry Jeff, I think you look like.. AN INSANE BASTARD.

knock knock. whos there? no one. forever alone.

Person 1: If you were in heaven and God gave you a choice to have brains or be permanetly stupid, what would you do?
Person 2: To have brains
Person 3: Good! I see you've learned your lesson.

I submitted ten jokes to a pun contest, confident one would win.

But no pun in ten did.

Which is the tallest building?
The library! Beacause it has a lot of stories!

Worst month joke, sorry :I
Can Feburay March?
No, but April May.

1st joke:

What does a pun means..?
.
..
...
....
Does it mean you make up word or combining a word?
....
...
..
.
Oh is that why i always get DIZLER-ing? Get it? :D

2nd joke:

The 2 erasers wanna play...

1 Is named R and the other is named ER

1 Eraser came..

But what game will it be?
.
.
.
.
The new Eraser said to ER: Hey ER Wanna play a RASE with R? (I know its a bad joke..

CauseIcewolfbob said I have to poast it here:

written by John Cleese

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's go get them." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two levels higher in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is Nato pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited and have begun to deploy their new Submarines in response to the threat. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies...just in case.

And in the Southern Hemisphere....

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAA!". Due to continuing defense cuts, (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath,) New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us."

Australia, meanwhile has raised its security level from "No worries" to "she'll be right, mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted the use of the final escalation level.

In Asia:

Japan has raised their own alert level, from "Sell electronics to everyone," to "Build Giant Killer Robot." They have one more threat level remaining: "Send Giant Killer robot to destroy enemy, and several small cities."

Why did Bob cross the road?
He's gullible.
(Bob's my imaginary friend)

Why did the professor have a crush on Santa who was obviously fat.

She was drinking too much Orange Crush and after she finished her 6,543th glass she first saw Santa and grew a crush on him.

Ha-ha-ha. *Sarcasm*

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken decided it was best to just end its life at the moment by being run over a car. It knew it would end up as the same fate as its brothers and sisters: to be killed horribly by being turned into fast food chicken nuggets.

Ha...ha... eh - not that funny. :S

Cresch a dit :

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken decided it was best to just end its life at the moment by being run over a car. It knew it would end up as the same fate as its brothers and sisters: to be killed horribly by being turned into fast food chicken nuggets.

Ha...ha... eh - not that funny. :S

I found it funny that chickens have lives