6.5/10

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It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets

10/10 x)

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Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.

8.5/10

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I wanted to grow my own food but I couldn’t get bacon seeds anywhere

6.5/10

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Why do women live on average two years longer? Because the time they spend parking doesn’t count.

creepy/10

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I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now

creepier/10

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Why do cows wear bells?

Their horns don’t work.

7.5/10

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Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me."

7/10

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom??
Because the p is silent.

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I know, it's bad.

5.5/10

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Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!"

7/10

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i bought my friend an elephant for his room
he said, "thanks."
i said, "don't mention it."