Well fuck my life, I guess it's just impossible for me to make friends now.
Finally met someone who I share a few interests with and I get along with fairly well but I guess I'm just too much of an awkward cunt to be able to start any conversations and it's not like that person's going to telepathically know that I want to talk to them or anything. I could do the rational thing and try to get over my social ineptitude, but naturally I can't shake that lovely feeling that I'll just be annoying them and talking too much. If anyone knows any ways to deal with this or get over it that'd be just fine and dandy, thank you very much. I've gotten used to people not responding to this sort of thing, but at least the venting helps.

I suffer the same problems as you do, but I've been improving on getting rid of those thoughts. There's no real solution to it, but I'll say the things that helped for me, so these aren't guaranteed to work - but hopefully if you keep them in the back of your mind it'll help some way or another.

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1) This is probably the most hit-and-miss advice that ended up working for me, but it's actually asking the person if you're annoying them / talking too much. If you know they're honest and they give a satisfying reply, it'll really improve your mindset and help with the thoughts - even if it's just for that friend. If you doubt their answer, maybe because they don't initiate convos that much or show signs of ignoring you - ask them what's up and work from there.

And it is difficult putting yourself out there and experiencing doubt with whether the other person actually enjoys your company (quoting my best friend), but the reward for the initiative is really high if you get a good answer from your friend - you'll feel more confident talking, and that's a big step forward to getting rid of your thoughts.

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2) This next advice can be considered fairly shitty advice in a way, so take it with a grain of salt. But it's actually about trying to make more friends, whether online or real life. If you aren't prepared for real life, then do it online; even in TFM or some other platform. This is probably the most difficult task ever for people that suffer from social anxiety, but making more friends will allow you to talk more, without investing too much on a single friend.

When you attempt to become friends with a stranger, two things can happen; they stay a stranger or become a friend. Or theybecometheloveofyourlife

i can't study like I used to.
I think lost my complete interest in studies.
I don't know what to do.

I have been feeling like nobody cares about me, i don't think anyone will understand me but i feel like people only *act* like they care whenever i really am bad. They just seem to like me because of my "talents" and not for my real personality.

Am I this boring? Am I really a bad person?

I just want someone to be honest with me and tell me what is wrong with me so i can improve on myself and make myself more likeable

#1
I called a hotline after I cut myself and nearly suffocated myself with my pillowcase. They helped. A little. I still feel like the walls are closing in on me and as soon as they do I'll be trapped in this perpetual puzzle. The puzzle is a maze filled with trick exits and nightmares. A heavy weight sits on my chest and a thick fog clouds my mind. I am trapped and I cannot breathe. I try so hard to swim to the surface but there are hands in the thick sludge that I drown in. They pull me down, clawing desperately at my skin. They beg me to stay, they try to chain me but still I resist. I kick and scream but nobody hears me and I break down and cry. No one can hear me. I am trapped. I am the puzzle. I am the maze. I am the poison. I am the problem and the solution. I feel like I'm already dead but killing myself would actually finalize the devil's deal.