here is my u know.. arts Topic-422852
Here is were i plan

Hai i am here with a story. here are the people in so far...

[url=] Marliaaa:[/url]
She is very shy and sensitive and used to be a human in another world then enters a portal into transformice, She loves computers too! And dont forget she LOOOOOOOOOOOOVES animals


[url=] Iwuvcheesed:[/url]
She's skilled and smart, but when faced with a stranger or person, she's rather awkward. She's not very social or talks much, when you get to know her, she's engergetic, friendly and hyper and always making puns and people laugh. Just don't get on her bad side. She also has a very strange candy addiction..



[url=] Kattiej[/url]
She is very arty and when u need someone too play or help its her, she is sweet, kind and helpful. And if u ever and I mean EVER get on her nerves well im not telling you

Haditamagica
She can sing and draw very well. She LOOOVES 80's music and films. She is social with friends, but when it comes to new people she's shy. She ain't good at maths, either, but she can play the violin. Anywoozis, she hates shamming, loves towerdefense, traitor and survivor. Way too lazy to play nowadays cuz there's too much lag. -,-





Now the forum to Join
Name/nickname
pic
info about you.

[url=]Chapter 1 - How I got in the world called transformice![/url]
One day I was walking along the road until I saw a portal so I went to investigate, I went throught the portal and then I felt weird then I saw loads and loads of mice! They all crowded xaround me and were thinkin' "Who is she?"[color] so then told them who I am then I screamed... Wanna know why??? Because I saw that I was a mouse!
"Im a mouse!!!!" I Yelled so I asked this person who was caring , Generous andkind and her name was Iwuvcheesed.
So I asked
"What do I do in this world called "Transformice"??"
(how does she know it's called Transformice?)
"Well, you collect cheese and buy cool accessories in the shop," Iwuvcheesed awnsered
"My name is Iwuv, call me that," She added with a smile
"Where do you live??" Marliaaa asked.
"Its near the cheese-factory, Go west and south and theres my house."
"Hey that Rhymes! Well i'm out of time! " Iwuvcheesed smiled
"Wait whats your name?" She asked
"Marli!" I replied.
"Ok, BYE MARLI," Yelled Iwuvcheesed then they left each other.

[url=]Chapter 2 - Getting to know everyone.[/url]
I just woke up
"I guess its time to wake Iwuv up" and off i went
I went up to Iwuv in bed
'WAKE UP!!!' I yelled
"Okay" and off we went too school
"Why do we go too school?
"So we become clever" Iwuv answered
"Cool, well im gonna go now so if you need me i will be exploring!"
"Ok" and off i went. So i was walking on the path and saw a little mouse who really needed help, so i went up to that little mouse and asked
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to get some cheese" the little mouse answered
"Whats your name?"
"Kattiej but you can call me Kat"
"What a nice name Kat, here lemme help you"
I started to give Kat a boost
"Here you go Kat :)"
"Wow thanks!"
Kat runs up to her mom proudly
"There you are Marli! I´ve been looking every were for you!" Iwuv exclaimed
"You finished already wow! Well i got to go home now bye!"
"Oh bye i got to go too see you tomorrow"
"You too Iwuv! Bai"

[url=]Chapter 3 - Becoming best friends with kattiej[/url]

When i woke up i heard a bang at the door. So i changed out of my jammies and went to see who was there...
"Hello? How may i help???"
"Hello this package is for you..." Said the mail man
"FOR ME?!Marliaaa said in a surprised manner.
"Please sign this"
"ok"
So i signed this board and shut the door in his face. And i opened the package...
"HELLO!!" Kattiej said suprisingly
"AHHH! HOW DO YOU KNOW WERE I LIVE!!??!!"
"Duh... doesent everyone have a address book??"
"No. And why are you here..."
"Uh... I dont know do you know?"
"No.. anyway lets earn some cheese?
"Sure!"
And off we went.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!

plz send me any mis spelling

spelling error
accessories
not
acecories
can i critique other things???

Kattiej a dit :

spelling error
accessories
not
acecories
can i critique other things???

yeah go ahead soz i on danish pc

.the i's are suppose to be capital letters
.ik ur telling this story from first point of view but your using the word I too much

a dit :

"IM A MOUSE!!!!" I Yelled so i asked and asked this person who was caring ,Generous and kind her name was Iwuvcheesed.

ok so yelled it lowercase and so is generous. Also, there is a comma before the word and

a dit :

"ok BYE MARLI" Yelled Iwuvcheesed then they left each other.

"blahblah," yelled bah bah
so the comma there and the capitalization. Good story though :D

I want to be in it
Name/nickname Kattiej
pic
info about you. i think u know me well enough

hold on for pic
e:

Kattiej a dit :

.the i's are suppose to be capital letters
.ik ur telling this story from first point of view but your using the word I too much

ok so yelled it lowercase and so is generous. Also, there is a comma before the word and

"blahblah," yelled bah bah
so the comma there and the capitalization. Good story though :D

I want to be in it
Name/nickname Kattiej
pic
info about you. i think u know me well enough

hold on for pic
e:

k lemme add u

yay -claps-

Kattiej a dit :

yay -claps-

:)

I LOVE Chapter 1 :3 And The Outfit :D It's Sexy ! :3

The story starts in a not-so-hooky-way.Just "one day",not so much of a hook
but the idea is wonderful.

if you're seeking further critiques let me know but im interested~

Haruhitastic a dit :

if you're seeking further critiques let me know but im interested~

um what do you mean?

Thanks for putting me in this story gurrll <3
Oh, and do you want to be in my fanfic soon? ^^

Iwuvcheesed a dit :

Thanks for putting me in this story gurrll &amp;lt;3
Oh, and do you want to be in my fanfic soon? ^^

sure

Haruhitastic a dit :

if you're seeking further critiques let me know but im interested~

kk

Tahalechef a dit :

I LOVE Chapter 1 :3 And The Outfit :D It's Sexy ! :3

ty

Zirongchen a dit :

The story starts in a not-so-hooky-way.Just "one day",not so much of a hook
but the idea is wonderful.

thanks

[url=]Chapter 2 - Getting to know everyone.[/url]
I just woke up
"I guess its time to wake Iwuv up" and off i went
I went up to Iwuv in bed
'WAKE UP!!!' I yelled
"Okay" and off we went too school
"Why do we go too school?
"So we become clever" Iwuv answered
"Cool, well im gonna go now so if you need me i will be exploring!"
"Ok" and off i went. So i was walking on the path and saw a little mouse who really needed help, so i went up to that little mouse and asked
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to get some cheese" the little mouse answered
"Whats your name?"
"Kattiej but you can call me Kat"
"What a nice name Kat, here lemme help you"
I started to give Kat a boost
"Here you go Kat :)"
"Wow thanks!"
Kat runs up to her mom proudly
"There you are Marli! I´ve been looking every were for you!" Iwuv exclaimed
"You finished already wow! Well i got to go home now bye!"
"Oh bye i got to go too see you tomorrow"
"You too Iwuv! Bai"

Marliaaa a dit :

Chapter 2 - Getting too know everyone.

-Marli wakes up-

To*
Too is used in things like
"Kat wanted to go to a party, and Marli wanted to go TOO!
And I wouldn't use that kind of launguge in a first person story.
Just my opinion but you should use things like
I just woke up
I started to give Kat a boost
It's just my opinion, but it looks better.
another opinion:

a dit :

I don't like the fact that there is mostly dioulouge.
And when you said
and off I went. So i was blah bla blahh
you should really use a space:
And off I went..
So I was.

But great chapter.

i edited the chapter and 1st 1

Hey there! As haru said (who'd prolly be better at crit'ing *-*) let me know if I can help. I see a few errors but I don't want to push you without consent ♥. Good luck!

Immagetcheez a dit :

Hey there! As haru said (who'd prolly be better at crit'ing *-*) let me know if I can help. I see a few errors but I don't want to push you without consent ♥. Good luck!

ty

aww :D i love my part and u got my character just right lol :D

ok :)
..