[Fanfic] Denied but Revived |
Rattyshrug « Citoyen » 1379787900000
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"--" or other lines will indicate POV change or a time lapse. Anyways, this story is about a young mouse named Rato who was abandoned when he was but 5 years old. Then for the next 6 years he was raised by a sympathetic gray mouse named Holko, who died of old age. Rato then had to fend for himself. He made money by playing guitar and begged for cheese on the side of roads. But he soon grew sick of the city lifestyle and traveled to Greenland, where he then lived in a cave. His age right now is 18 and he's been living there for 3 years. As for the anonymous black mouse, her story is one to be told later on... ``Chapter 1`` Rato trotted to his dank cave somewhere discreet deep in Greenland, a song in his heart and a purpose. To become a legend. Rato sang as he packed his bags, his huge mouse ears swiveling and his hindpaw tapping to the beat of the drums in his head. He paused for a moment at the sight of his old guitar, a beauty indeed. Rato simply smiled, then tossed the guitar into a box labeled "Keep". Then about 5 minutes later, he loaded the two boxes into his old mouse-truck, which was barely used and had been covered in dust and snow 'til he'd revived it. He walked about 30 minutes until he got to a gigantic hill, carrying a big box of small junky possesions. Rato grinned, still tapping his paw as he set the box down and with a big show of sweeping his paw back, he kicked it. He kicked it away, those memories, those thoughts. He sighed for a moment, then a new song came into his mind and he danced and twirled, reveling in the falling snowflakes. "Everything that drowns me..." he shouted, skipping off to his cave and his truck. "Makes me wanna fly.." The young mouse opened up the rusty door of the ol' mouse-mobile and hopped in, starting it up and singing as loud as he could as he drove down wild snowy hills, not one single regret haunting him. -- Unknown POV~ The black mouse shivered as she hid behind a snow-covered tree, watching with large blue eyes as the light-brown mouse kicked a heavy box down the slope. She marveled at how good he sang as he scampered off, occasionaly spinning and making odd hand movements. For the first time in her long, scavenging life, the black mouse smiled and had a twinge of faith that maybe, maybe she had a chance to redeem her past. And this young mouse would be the first step. Quietly, she followed him, all the while thinking one single word. Hope. __________________________________ Form: Mouse Name: Nickname: Personality: Likes: Dislikes: Gender: Reference Picture: |
Haruhitastic « Censeur » 1379788020000
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what is up with the random pov change it really ruins the whole fluidity of it looks nice though |
Vivihi « Citoyen » 1379789040000
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Nice story! You are quite an amazing author! (P.s. Put [Fan-Ficiton] in the title!) |
Pokemonlucas « Citoyen » 1379790420000
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Vivihi a dit : Basically just what Vivi said. Perhaps you should add why you made the fanfiction. Or what It's based on, so like a prolouge. |
Nekoava « Citoyen » 1379790420000
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Pokemonlucas a dit : YOU'RE SO WISEEEEE. - I wuv this fanfic. |
Rattyshrug « Citoyen » 1379797500000
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I edited in a backstory, i hope it's helpful. |
Nekoava « Citoyen » 1379797740000
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Rattyshrug a dit : Very nice backstory *-* |
Rattyshrug « Citoyen » 1379797980000
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Nekoava a dit : thanks. also, if you have any ideas or suggestions, you can give them all here, i wont be mad. Also, you can fill out a form to be in the story. Please don't be sad/mad if you don't get picked, as I don't want 5 million mice wandering around in this story. Although, probably all of you (if any of you do fill it in) will be added. The form will be added soon. |
Rattyshrug « Citoyen » 1379805300000
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Chapter 2 is a flashback from the black mouse's past! The 5 year old tan mouse Ki flipped continously on the mat, all the while singing the song 'Counting Stars'. Her father regarded her with a look of disgust. He clapped twice, then stood. "Clearly you aren't worthy of the National Mouse Gymnastics Competition, and therefore you arent worthy o-of..." He cleared his throat. "Of being my daughter." Ki started sobbing as her dad, a serious dark brown mouse, marched out the doorway of their training room. She heard faintly the harsh words he called out. "Pack your bags and just go, we don't need you here!" Ki trudged sadly on the stone path, a heavy duffel bag slung on her shoulder. To tell the truth, Ki never wanted to do gymnastics. Her real dream was to sing. But now that chance was... was shot. Ki sighed and sat on the side of the path, gazing up at the stars. She had never really been a believer of the God-Mouse. But he was all she had left. Who else could she turn to? She spoke softly, staring up at the sky with a look of faint hope. "I... I'm lost. Where do I go now, God-Mouse?" She wiped her emerald-colored eyes with a red, checkered handkerchief. But then, something happened. A ginger mouse appeared out of nowhere. He offered her his hand, a twinkle in his eye. "I see your praying?" he asked in a smooth voice. Ki simply nodded, wondering who this strange mouse was. "Can you sing?" he asked, grinning slightly. Again, Ki nodded. "Then sing with me, and leave your bag here," he stated seriously. Ki looked at him incredulously. His expression softened. "Leave the bad memories behind," he whispered. Somehow the young mouse found herself trusting this stranger. She took the bag off her shoulder and sat it on the ground. Then she stood and smiled at the fox-like mouse. "My name's Rye, now let's trot." Rye offered her his furry ginger paw, and she took it. Then he started to sing. "No more countin' dollars, we'll be countin' staaarrrs.." After an hour of walking and singing, they reached a village. Rye and Ki rented a cheap room at a motel with the money Rye had. Then, with the remaining money they got a beaten-up car some scruffy mouse was willing to let go for $20. For the next 9 years they traveled and had laughs, and good times on the road. When Ki was 14, a truck came out of nowhere and it went right at them. Ki was on the right side and wasn't hurt, but Rye wasn't as lucky. He died before the Mousebulance even got there. Then Ki dyed her fur black and went to Greenland to live in the mountains in an abandoned cabin. That was when she noticed something- or more like someone. He was an enthusiastic mouse. She never approached him, but sometimes he'd look at her and she would wonder- does he notice me? Or am I invisible? Then one day she noticed him come closer to drop a big box off the biggest slope on the mountain. (The mountains weren't huge.) She snuck closer to get a sneak peek at him and what he was doing. She felt a pang of hope when she heard him sing the song 'Counting Stars' so well. She hadn't felt hope since that day she met Rye. It felt good. It felt good to hope. |
Rattyshrug « Citoyen » 1379861220000
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~KI~ Mouse Name: Kindra Nickname: Ki Personality: Quiet, observative, responsible, brave, trusting. Likes: Warm fires, kindness, friends and family, singing. Dislikes: Cold, loneliness, bullies. Gender: Female Reference Picture: ~RATO~ Mouse Name: Ratosic Nickname: Rato Personality: Couragous, independant, shy. Likes: Beautiful scenery, politeness, singing. Dislikes: Cats, slobs. Gender: Male Reference Picture: |
Rattyshrug « Citoyen » 1380142560000
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Chapter 3~ ~No POV~ Rato drove until he got to a snow-covered path. He quickly halted the truck and then carefully went onto the path, not noticing the black lump in the back of his truck. He started to sing. "Uptown girl, she's been livin' in her uptown world. I bet she never had a backstreet guy, I bet her momma never told her why. I'm gonna try for an Uptown Girl, she's been livin' in her white bred world... As long as anyone with hot blood caaan, and now she's lookin' for a downtown man, that's what I am. And when she knows what she wants from her time, and when she waaakes up and makes up her mind, she'll see I'm not so tough just because, I'm in love, with an Uptown Girl, ya know I've seen 'er in her Uptown World." He continued the song until he reached a cross-roads. One rusty sign read "Towards the border," the other "Deep in Greenland." Rato scoffed at the non-specificness of them, and turned onto the path that said "Towards the border." Meanwhile, the black mouse in the back was just waking up from a small nap. She yawned, then realized where she was. She let out another, bigger yawn, and was scared straight when the truck hit a bump. She sighed, and relaxed her ruffled fur. Ki slowly took a peek at the brown mouse and grinned when she heard faintly his familiar voice, singing. She quietly joined in, making sure she wasn't loud enough that he could hear her. They traveled and traveled, stopping for gas and making stops at motels. Ki would sneak in the motel late at night and buy a bag of chips or trail-mix with her money, and ask for a free water. This routine continued for months, believe it or not, but one day the black mouse got sick of the usual small late-night snack. And she introduced herself. |
Micefamilies « Citoyen » 1380192120000
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Nice story *-* |
Rattyshrug « Citoyen » 1380235860000
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Micefamilies a dit : omg yay a post, i thought this thread was doomed to die. thnx btw |
Vivihi « Citoyen » 1380235980000
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Y NO ONE POST ON DIS :O I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THAT! WE NEED MOAAR GOOD POSTS! |
Nekoava « Citoyen » 1380237780000
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Time for me to become a star :D Mouse Name: Dakota/Neko Nickname: Cody Personality: Emo, rebel, hash swag, but not in meaning o-o Likes: Racing, being quiet, randomness Dislikes: People/other mice Gender: Female Reference Picture: or |
Rattyshrug « Citoyen » 1380312660000
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Nekoava a dit : accepted. you might not be in the story for a bit tho, as i have to work in ur character somehow |