hiiiiii i hope it's okay but just to let you know there's line breaks for every new character that speaks
example

"hi!" vivihi said, throwing up her hand and waving.
"oh hey vivi," replied haru, doing the same.

but this is ok:
"hi!" vivihi said, walking up to haru. "how are you doing today?"

also try to avoid acronyms/slang like omg in your writing~

liking it so far though!

Thanks for the advice! I'm just kinda a beginner of a writer ;p

I'll be sure to include that in my next chapter.

Yeah, I know. To be so young I'd say you're doing well! :33

Thank you!
I promise to do Chapter 3 in an hour or two. I'm a bit busy with stuff.

just wanna say i'm loving the story so far ^^

OMG thank you guys :D

ok vivi im going to post this here and not on ur other hread cuz i want the free chibi even though your chibi's are already free but anyhow, I think most of julia's vid are stories and yours are music videos anyhow, everyone on tfm making videos basically make the same ones I mean what other type of videos can you make. but they shouldnt call your video stupid and hate on them :)

Kattiej a dit :

ok vivi im going to post this here and not on ur other hread cuz i want the free chibi even though your chibi's are already free but anyhow, I think most of julia's vid are stories and yours are music videos anyhow, everyone on tfm making videos basically make the same ones I mean what other type of videos can you make. but they shouldnt call your video stupid and hate on them :)

I do other videos too like drawing and other stuff. :p Not just music videos

Vivihi a dit :

I do other videos too like drawing and other stuff. :p Not just music videos

really brb
__
edit: I saw a speed paint one wow you really know how to use your stuff, wut program do you ues

Kattiej a dit :

really brb
__
edit: I saw a speed paint one wow you really know how to use your stuff, wut program do you ues

Ask me on my art thread, not here please. Thanks. :D

Mausibiene a dit :

Keep it on topic, thank you!

Thanks Mausi solver :D

I like the story so far

Thank you :) Also, your request will get done soon!

Your welcome and okay!

[url=]Chapter 3:[/url]

I stepped out of the car, and walked to the house with my mom behind me. She opened the door and we stepped inside. I then walked upstairs to my bedroom and laid on the bed thinking: ''What am I going to even DO with my superhero powers?

Suddenly, my phone rang. I grabbed it from my shelf and looked. It was Mice! I answered and said ''Hello?''. Mice was about to answer when I heard something in the background.

''KIT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM! IT SAYS ''Mice's Room!'' NOT ''Mice and Kit's room''! Go, shoo!''. I heard her sigh and then say ''Hey Viv, sorry brother problems. So..wanna FaceTime instead?''.
''Sure I guess.''
I took the phone away from my ear and clicked the ''FaceTime'' button. I waited for her to answer. Finally she did.
-------

Done...sorry I dont have any ideas today. D: (Chapters will be seperated by flags in the OP)

Tell me if I messed up, and Haru correct me on my dialogue seperating if needed.

[url=]Chapter 4:[/url]

''Hi there Vivi! How you doing?'' she replied.
''Hey Mice! How's your Sweet 16 party coming along? I will definitely come!'' and I smiled.
''Great! I already have my party plans and we are gonna go buy some party supplies tommorrow!'' she replied.
Just then my mom called ''HONEY! Dinner!''.
I yelled back ''COMING MOM!'' and went back to Mice. ''Sorry, gotta eat. Talk to you later!'' and hung up.

I walked downstairs to the kitchen counter and brung the food to the table. As my mom sat down, I said sarcastically ''Can't wait for school tommorrow. YIPPIE!''.
Writing in Progress.....

Vivihi a dit :

[url=]Chapter 4:[/url]

''Hi there Vivi! How you doing?'' she replied.
''Hey Mice! How's your Sweet 16 party coming along? I will definetly come!'' and I smiled.
''Great! I already have my party plans and we are gonna go buy some party supplies tommorrow!'' she replied.
Just then my mom called ''HONEY! Dinner!''.
I yelled back ''COMING MOM!'' and went back to Mice. ''Sorry, gotta eat. Talk to you later!'' and hung up.

Writing in Progress.....

Hey there,Im enjoying the fanfic,Just gotta tell you about that spelling mistake I highlighted. Definitely is definitely not spelled definetly. And there will probably not be enough flags to fit all of your chapters Vivi D:

Yeah D: But I might stop somewhere at Chapter 10?
I misspell definitely a lot. :o Thanks for pointing that out.

But anyways, there are like 14 flags :o I think
Plus, my OP is getting longer D: So Imma take the others out..

Aww ): And no problem