Haditamagica a dit :

May I join? o-o

Haditamagica:
She can sing and draw very well. She LOOOVES 80's music and films. She is social with friends, but when it comes to new people she's shy. She ain't good at maths, either, but she can play the violin. Her favorite artists are "The Cure", "Culture Club", "Placebo" and Avril Lavigne. Likes I said, she can sing and draw very well, because she LOOOVES doing that. c: She's also interested in killing stuff, Cure slash, gay/homo stuff, Robin Gallith (added in gay/homo and Cure slash) xD, TFM (ofc.). She also listens to her "The Cure: Greatest Hits" DVD while on forum (like now, "Just Like Heaven"s playing xD) She hyperly HATES the Permon Galmonte/Simerry Bagallupmonte thing, whatever that thing is, Robin Gallith is DA BEST! Anywoozis, she hates shamming, loves towerdefense, traitor and survivor. Way too lazy to play nowadays cuz there's too much lag. -,-

Me (make sure to click on it):

Marliaaa a dit :

When i woke up i heard a bang at the door. So i changed out of my jammies and went to see who was there...
"Hello? How may i help???"
"Hello this package is for you..." Said the mail man
"FOR ME?!Marliaaa said in a surprised manner.
"Please sign this"
"ok"
So i signed this thingy and shut the door in his face. And i opened the package...
"HELLO!!" Kattiej said suprisingly
"AHHH! HOW DO YOU KNOW WERE I LIVE!!??!!"
"Duh... doesent everyone have a address book??"
"No. And why are you here..."
"Uh... I dont know do you know?"
"No.. anyway lets earn some cheese?
"Sure!"
And off we went.


TO BE CONTINUED!!!

Janeswdd a dit :

I have a little critique...

All the things i highlighted i corrected the spelling/grammer. And instead of using emoticons say '___ said in a surprised manner'. And you should try to point out whose talking once in a while, an example: ''ok'' Marli said happily.

Haruhitastic a dit :

...
who the hell is speaking, i cant follow it without you giving directions.

"Hello," said name1.
"Hi!" replied name2

Not just

"Hello"
"Hi"

like wow
give this read much knowledge very nice

marliaaa a dit :

a address book

Marliaaa a dit :

When I woke up I heard a bang at the door. So I changed out of my jammies and went to see who was there...
"Hello? How may I help???" I asked.
"Hello this package is for you..." said the mail man.
"FOR ME?!" I said in a surprised manner.
"Please sign this."
"Ok."
So I signed this thingy and shut the door in his face. And I opened the package...
"HELLO!!" Kattiej said suprisingly.
"AHHH! HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE!!!!"
"Duh... doesn't everyone have an Address book??"
"No. And why are you here..."
"Uh... I don't know do you know?"
"No.. anyway let's earn some cheese?
"Sure!"
And off we went.


TO BE CONTINUED!!!

a dit :

When I woke up I heard a bang at the door. So I changed out of my jammies and went to see who was there...
"Hello? How may I help???" I asked.
"Hello this package is for you..." said the mailman(mailman is one word).
"FOR ME?!" I said in a surprised manner.
"Please sign this."
"Ok."
So I signed this thingy and shut the door in his face and(I think you can combine this) I opened the package...
"HELLO!!" Kattiej said suprisingly.
"AHHH! HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE!!!!"
"Duh... doesn't everyone have an a(lowercase)ddress book??"
"No. Why are you here..."
"Uh... I don't know do you know?"
"No.. anyway let's earn some cheese?
"Sure!"
And off we went.


TO BE CONTINUED!!!