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Atelier 801
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♔haru's fiction wonderland♔
Lagiacrus
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#21
  0
Soakitup a dit :
I love your writing

Everyone should
Spinnando
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#22
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I love your work, it really inspires me to try writing myself, too bad I'm so slow with that. Maybe I can make an illustration for one of your stories some day.
Marylovesshe
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#23
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woah haru your writing is gorgeous, i enjoyed reading it!!
Unicorm
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#24
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i may not be haru-tier but i do hope you'll accept my critique for 'a chance encounter' as a fellow ambitious writer:

1. the hook is dull - it doesn't hook me in too well so the story started out really boring and i didn't feel like reading the rest of it but i did anyway; maybe start out with the protagonist doing an action or maybe something startling to have us asking questions

2. lack of description - what did the atelier look like? people enjoy reading about the 5 senses so it'd be great if you incorporated those in

3. breaks - i know books don't normally have breaks but i personally prefer breaks in-between paragraphs and dialogues as seeing it as a big block of words makes it difficult for me to be motivated enough to read

4. unnecessary info - if a customer calls a waiter by his first name, wouldn't that automatically mean that they were well-acquanted enough? details of how long they've known each other aren't really necessary

5. the justs, thats, etc. - words that aren't really needed should be removed (i don't like just how much it is vs. i don't like how much it is; not a perfect example but whatever)

---

a great critic i know on wattpad is

http://www.wattpad.com/user/jr0127

just for a comment or two on her stories, she gives extremely descriptive critiques and a bonus is that her writing is just amazing
Haruhitastic
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#25
  0
I will take any critique :] Thank you darling <3
Haruhitastic
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#26
  0
ive been writing a non-tfm thing recently that i might link to but this is haru's fiction wonderland on tfm but haru's not-tfm fiction wonderland

for now
might i interest you in a poem i have written

shamousey's rose is red
haru's bow is blue
shamousey, ur hat is ugly as shit
but i dont care i still love you
Satash
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#27
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third line is very tru
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