Xbetrayal a dit :

Oh look your gonna have seven! :D

Name: Jack Bett

Age: 29

Personality: Very nice and treats mice well. Hates the Shaman and his mice

Good or Bad: Good

Power: Healing mice (But can only heal three times)

Bio: Jack's wife was accused of killing of mice and was sent to prison. 3 weeks later he found out that his wife was dead. Jack can heal the dead but it takes a lot of power. Jack secretly heals the mice in the hospital and trains them for attacks. He plans revenge on the Shaman, who killed his wife.

Reference:

Added

3 slots remaining

Rosuuri a dit :

I'll join
Name: Rouge
Age: 22
Personality: can be quite agressive and bad, laughs at the most ridiculous things
bio: editing
Extras: wizard

I'll add you after your finished editing everything

Garnetnum a dit :

I'll add you after your finished editing everything

finished editing everything. ^_^

Can't wait until Chapter 2

Rosuuri a dit :

finished editing everything. ^_^

Added :) Very creative character you have there ^^ I never would have though of a wizard

Appleloom a dit :

Can't wait until Chapter 2

It'll be here once we get the TWO more slots filled in! C:

Garnetnum a dit :

Added :) Very creative character you have there ^^ I never would have though of a wizard

Wahoo, thats great. Thank you!

Rosuuri a dit :

Wahoo, thats great. Thank you!

Your welcome and is she bad or good?

Garnetnum a dit :

Your welcome and is she bad or good?

Rosuuri a dit :

Personality: can be quite agressive and bad, laughs at the most ridiculous things

"can be quite agressive and bad"
bad.

Rosuuri a dit :

"can be quite agressive and bad"
bad.

Okay thanks! :)

And I wrote the first half of chapter two for you guys.

Do you accept critiques?

Appleloom a dit :

Do you accept critiques?

I have no idea what that is. [That reminded me of a vine and this guy was like YOU STUPID!!! I don't know I'm weird.]

Can you tell me what it is? :3

Garnetnum a dit :

I have no idea what that is. [That reminded me of a vine and this guy was like YOU STUPID!!! I don't know I'm weird.]

Can you tell me what it is? :3

It's like corrections.

Appleloom a dit :

It's like corrections.

Then yes we can make this a lot better.

I deleted chapter two anyways and I was going to make it better and correct things but yes I will accept critiques.

Che' Lu was in a dark cave practicing her powers when a spotted figure flashed by her. Faint high pitched laughing started. She closed her eyes and opened them again. What she was drawing came to life.
It was a half drawn dragon. (6 spaces before It)
___________________

"Faint high pitched laughing started."
Correction: "And then all of a sudden, faint, high pitched laughing began to start." (Correction by Rosuuri)
__________________

And then all three of them charged at her.
Correction: Then the three of them charged at her
____________________

The Beggining
Correction: The Beginning

Appleloom a dit :

Che' Lu was in a dark cave practicing her powers when a spotted figure flashed by her. Faint high pitched laughing started.

hey, the "faint high pitched laughing started" part should be corrected too
i think it should be "And then all of a sudden, faint, high pitched laughing began to start." or began to echo in whatever setting your mouse is in

apple not to be rude but last time i read something you wrote you werent following basic dialogue rules
and your critiques are only making the prose more forced and bloated..

Haruhitastic a dit :

apple not to be rude but last time i read something you wrote you werent following basic dialogue rules
and your critiques are only making the prose more forced and bloated..

I'm only allowing small corrections. Like the one Rose told me.

You guys can just forget about it on second thought. I'll make it easier to read but not bloated.

I wasn't referring to you, but more Appleloom's critique. Sorry to come in all of a sudden, I've been following the story and seeing bad critiques makes me grumpy haha.
If you only want small corrections, that's fine. Just know they don't help you grow rather than a full fledged critique.

Haruhitastic a dit :

I wasn't referring to you, but more Appleloom's critique. Sorry to come in all of a sudden, I've been following the story and seeing bad critiques makes me grumpy haha.
If you only want small corrections, that's fine. Just know they don't help you grow rather than a full fledged critique.

Okay well I'd appreciate it if all of these posts were somehow deleted all the way up to

Appleloom a dit :

Do you accept critiques?

Uhh.. Probably not but I will just ask

This is.. EPIIIIIC *^*

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Just two more people *-*