I feel like something unimportant. I feel left behind and I don't feel like I'm welcomed anywhere. It all started when I was in primary school.
There was this one girl I was friends with, but she actually hated me. She was the only friend I had. She was the only one that came to my birthday parties and such. One day she just started to say that I have a virus in my home and all my classmates started to shout "EWW, GROSS" or "Help, a monster!". I felt so bad at this point. I even had a crush that hated me then.
I was so happy when the 4th grade was finally passed away, and I went to secondary school. But there it was kind of the same. Some people acted like I'm air. I wasn't there for them. I found a girl in that class that interested me (not in a love way), and I spoke to her. We became friends.
At this time I also went on the internet. I found people that I could talk to whenever I felt bad. But they betrayed me and laughed at me too. I didn't know what to do anymore.
Over these past years friendship went wrong. The friend I had in school just turned around and said stuff like "You're fat", "You're disgusting" and such. The people on the internet don't know how I look, so they called me "You depressed piece of shit" or said "Please kill yourself". I was at the age of 11, pretty young for being on the internet, and pretty young to be so sad. I had my first thoughts of dying in silence, still being air. It wouldn't mind anyone if I just vanish, I thought.
Now, after 15 years, I have my first boyfriend. Of course I don't know what's right and what's wrong. I just wanted him to do something that seemed normal to me, but weird to him. Now, since a few months, we have stress every few days. He points out how weird it was that I asked him to do something so.. "strange".

He started to shout at me today because I wanted to call with him, but he's soooo tired that he can't speak with me. Of course, I understand, but he ignored me after that. I went crazy. I was saying things that hurted him and things that hurted myself. I even tried to say to myself I don't love him anymore, and that was pretty dumb. He saw my messages, just wrote "..." and started to point out again how weird I am.
Not just problems with him, but also with my family. I'm at the age where parents get annoying. But it seems that they don't understand that it's puberty that makes me like that. Actually I'm a quiet person and I never freak out. But just hearing the question "Do you have homework" makes me feel like throwing up in their face, because I hate my school, I hate my teachers and I hate everyone there. There's just one person I adore, and that's my true best friend Yasmin. I adore her so much.
My old friend, that turned her back to me and said bad stuff to me, tries to steal Yasmin from me. She pretends to be my friend and tries to steal Yasmin. When I once realized that, I was like "Are you kidding me?", but I never said it. I just thought it. She's always like "Yasmin always goes to you, but never to me", "She just hugs you but ignores me" and "Yasmin is MY friend". Of course I know Yasmin likes me more, since she once saw what a beast my old friend really is. But she doesn't want to understand.
Back to the internet. I found friends there. Real friends. With one of them I'm still friends. Some of them left. One of them, I will call him Max, turned so cold in front of me. He wanted to kill me actually. He said people like me should be free to kill. I was hurted. I went off of him. Now, I feel better, but not good enough to be confident again. People still call me stuff that hurt me.

A little story about what's happening/what happened.